Insomnia must be one of the loneliest conditions known to mankind. I should know. I have spent many a dark cold hour awake while the rest of my world sleeps.
Lately I have been better at staying in bed all night. Sometimes even staying asleep for most of it. But for the past month my mate Mr Sandman has been MIA.
Tonight I slept spasmodically from about 9:30pm until 3am. I tossed and turned for about 30 minutes and then I took action.
There was some computer work I needed to do. And so I did it. Downstairs in the office which is mostly used by our 16 year old son to play complex online games with his mates. Downstairs in the office where everything which doesn’t have a home gets dumped. Downstairs in the office where empty coffee cups, dirty plates, and chocolate wrappers litter the floor and desk surface. Phones go flat in here. Important papers become buried. Pens, scissors and sellotape are never where they should be.
I sat amongst the chaos and in the middle of the dark and lonely night I put to right a spreadsheet. And it felt good to send that off via Google drive. One less worry to weigh me down.
I have a number of worries which churn around my head at night. My mother-in-law is having heart surgery on Tuesday. Meanwhile we have been taking turns at sleeping over at her place in case she needs help in the night. It is not arduous. It is just a disruption to routine.
We also need to keep her clear of bugs. It is winter. Damp, cold, dreary winter. Bugs are thriving and picking on my boys who perhaps are not poster boys for a clean healthy lifestyle. All three men in my family have sore throats and queasy tummies. I don’t want either.
There are a few other things which have been putting pressure on me lately. Nothing major but the accumulation of little sticks soon becomes an unmanageable bundle.
On Friday I threw my toys out of the cot. Just enough to let it be known to the world that i had too much on. It felt good.
And funny enough, other people stepped up and took responsibility.
So wow. Wow for being big enough to say, “hey, I cannot handle all this.” Wow, for having people around me who understand that sometimes life does get too much and sharing the load is easier all round. Wow, for saying no and not feeling guilty.
And now I hope to snuggle down and have a little more sleep.